I Want You To Want Me

Sometimes, Addison wanted to go home — not back to New York, which would be easy enough, but back to her life pre-Mark. She wanted her walk-in closet back, and she wanted Rockefeller Center, pretzels in Central Park, and the New York Post. Even when she didn't want to go back in time — and to be honest, things hadn't been good with Derek for years — she was still dissatisfied. She wanted a permanent home. She wanted revenge on her jackass ex-husband who slept with interns. She wanted regular sex with someone who wasn't Mark. But most of all, she wanted never to lose another patient.

It was all of this that made Addison break down in the toilet stall. It was Jamie's baby primarily, of course. But it was also Derek, and the dream marriage she'd wanted, and the babies she'd kept meaning to have when the time was right, and god, could she be more pathetic than sobbing over her wasted maternal potential? It was Mark, who was a shallow prick but who made her — and any other woman he wanted to sleep with — feel sexy. It was wanting Rockefeller Center, and the New York Post, and New York's gray slush, and crazy taxi drivers who spoke no English, and as long as she was crying for crazy things, why on earth did she want Michael Bloomberg? It was a burning desire for revenge even though intellectually she knew she'd been wrong first, and it was a craving for sex that kept driving her back to Mark-the-Slut. Addison was a woman, and she had desires, wants, needs.

It wasn't any one of these that made her weep on Callie — Callie who was loud and brash, large and full of life, oozing confidence like a New York taxi driver. It was bad enough for Addison's sex life to be the topic of conversation for the entire hospital. Losing her cool all over an orthopedic resident was just tacky. An intern's ex-girlfriend, no less, and for Christ's sake, they should just rename Seattle Grace to General Hospital, with all the incestuous dating that went on around here. Derek as Luke and who as his Laura? Certainly not Addison, nor Meredith. In any case, she tried to keep her stress to herself as much as she could with poison ivy on her cha-cha and an intern's underpants in her husband's coat. But with all her girlfriends 3000 miles away, she just needed to cry on somebody. And Callie liked everybody, she liked Jamie, she would understand Addison crying for the dead baby.

Callie wanted George back, but on her terms, not his. She wanted to be respected — not called a pig! — and she wanted to come first. She wanted him to take her side in arguments, and to choose her needs over his roomates'. Callie was a girl who understood what she wanted, dammit.

None of this explained why Callie ended up shitfaced in the hotel bar with Addison Montgomery, of all people, making a clumsy pass at her over way too many tequila shots. If nothing else, Addison was so straight for the McPorny twins they should invent a new Kinsey number for her. Kinsey negative one. Kinsey square root of negative one. Something small, anyway.

"Small like Mark's penis," slurred Addison, and giggled into her girly drink.

Shit, was I talking out loud? thought Callie. Fucking tequila. "Nothing is smaller than Mark's penis," she said.

Addison made a face at her. "You slept with him too, huh? Figures. Slut."

Callie stuck out her tongue. "I am not a slut," she said.

"Not you," said Addison. "Mark. Marky Mark, the slutty doctor. What do women see in him, anyway?"

"You have to give him credit for his excellent taste in women," said Callie, and leered at Addison. "He seems to have no problem with tall or voluptuous, instead of going for tiny, like Meredith Grey."

Addison downed another gulp of her brightly colored drink. "I think he just likes boobs. Or possibly just two X chromosomes, since I think he did make a play for Grey."

"Well, who doesn't? Like boobs, I mean," said Callie. Addison looked at Callie, confused or wary. "You know what, I don't know why I'm bothering with subtle. You're too straight, and we're both too drunk," said Callie. She stood and stumbled around the table to plant one on Addison.

Addison's mouth tasted like blue curaçao and lime juice. Callie always forgot, when it had been a while with nothing but guys, how soft women's lips were. George had soft cheeks, little boy's skin, but there was something about the soft hairs on a woman's lip that just killed her every time.

Addison must have been more tanked than Callie realized, because instead of shoving her away, she kissed right back, tongue happily getting into the game. Callie threw some money on the table, and pulled Addison up and toward the elevators. Laughing drunkenly, Addison followed, barely able to walk but still trying to slip her hands down the back of Callie's jeans.

Though Addison's eagerness might have indicated otherwise, Callie hadn't been in the slightest bit mistaken about those Kinsey numbers. Back in Callie's room, they'd only been fooling around for another couple of minutes when Addison actually asked "so, what do lesbians actually do in bed?" Callie had never heard somebody ask that question without joking before.

"Jesus, are Mark and Derek complete wastes of space in bed?" said Callie, removing her mouth from Addison's nipple. "Haven't you ever gotten off without a penis before?" She proceeded to illustrate her point, and certainly Addison wasn't complaining a little while later when she was flat on her back, knees in the air, Callie's fingers inside her.

"Idiot woman," said Callie, a little muffled. "Just because I don't have a — mmm — you assume I can't find my way around a — mmph — clitoris."

Addison only moaned.

Meredith wanted her mother back. No — she wanted the mother she'd never had, who loved her and took care of her and actually wanted to have a daughter. She wanted to feel like a good person again, and not like a homewrecking slut. She wanted sleep, though she might as well give that desire up, since it was going to happen while she was an intern or even a resident. She wanted Cristina back, like things used to be back B.B. — Before Burke. And she definitely wanted sex, even though she knew waiting was right.

She kind of thought Cristina wanted sex, too, though Meredith had no idea why Cristina would be abstaining. But she was extra-special bitchy these days, and Meredith could tell the difference between Cristina's usual crazy and Cristina horny and repressed.

Doctor Torres, on the other hand, was not acting repressed and horny, which was also confusing, since Meredith knew George wasn't getting any. In fact, Doctor Torres was occasionally seen leaving storage closets at the hospital flushed, scruffy, and blushing self-consciously. Somebody was getting it on with her, and Meredith, dammit, was going to find out who. Nobody had the right to hurt George like this, she told herself. At least, not since she had herself.

Of course, when she saw Doctor Torres sucking face with Addison Montgomery behind the Coke machine, she had to admit she was sorely lacking in moral high ground. She was still ticked off, though.

"Callie!" she hissed, and had the satisfaction of watching Callie hit her head on the Coke machine when Addison jerked back. "I thought you were all worried about telling George about Mark."

Callie jerked her chin up and looked unrepentant. "So?" she said. Doctor Montgomery looked like she wanted to melt through the floor.

"So," Meredith said. "Maybe if you're worried about how to tell George you cheated on him you should stop cheating on him."

Callie gestured meaningfully at Doctor Montgomery. "It's not cheating if it's a girl."

"Really?" asked Doctor Montgomery, looking amused.

"Really," said Meredith, crossing her arms over her chest. "Care to test that theory by telling George about this?"

"This is none of your business, Grey," said Callie, haughtily.

"Yes it is," said Meredith. "If George has to nurse another broken heart then it's my business."

Doctor Montgomery shook herself, and her face morphed from Frazzled Lover Caught In The Act into Attending Physician Annoyed At Presumptuous Intern. "Don't you have someplace to be, Doctor Grey?" She glared. "And I hardly think you're speaking from a position of moral authority, here."

If Meredith hadn't just been thinking the exact same thing, she might not have reacted so huffily. "Hey! When I slept with Derek, I didn't know he was married." Except that once. "You know Callie is going out with George. It's totally different."

"I'm not going out with George," Callie said, sadly. "We broke up." And she walked away, leaving Meredith and Doctor Montgomery exchanging looks behind her.

After that, it seemed like Meredith couldn't turn a corner in the hospital without running into Doctors Torres and Montgomery sucking face. Addison licking Callie's earlobe in the Obstetrics corridor. Callie, flushed, walking out of the supply closet near HR just a minute after Addison sped around the corner grinning like a loon. The soles of Callie's shoes just visible under the door of the wheelchair stall of the Orthopedics ladies room, while an touch of red hair showed above the door. It was probably just sexual frustration from taking all those sexless baths with Derek, but Meredith couldn't decide whether she was irritated or incredibly turned on.

On Wednesday, she was nursing a drink at Joe's thinking that maybe she was being too paranoid about trust issues and she should just sleep with him, already, when Callie Torres appeared over her left shoulder. Meredith started on her barstool, barely supressing a squeak.

"Doctor Grey, how lovely to see you," said Callie in Meredith's ear.

"Doctor Torres, how unexpected to see you with your tongue not licking Doctor Montgomery's tonsils," snapped Meredith.

Callie only grinned. "Which brings us to the subject of tonight's conversation," she said, and pointed her thumb over her shoulder. Meredith looked, and saw Addison leaning against the door, looking coolly at Callie and Meredith. "Wanna come back to my place? With us," she clarified, waggling her eyebrows like a demented Groucho Marx.

For a moment Meredith just stared at her. She felt her own eyebrows practically crawl into her hairline. "Excuse me? Did you just —" She fumbled to a stop.

Callie just kept grinning. "Invite you home for a lusty lesbian threesome? Yes." She leaned forward to whisper in Meredith's ear, her breath hot. "Addison wants to hurt Derek. She thinks this will help."

Meredith's mouth fell open. "Why would I help you hurt Derek? Or help Addison hurt Derek? I'm dating Derek."

"Because," Callie said, leaning back. "Addison thinks this will hurt Derek. But I want you to picture telling Derek that you had sex with Addison. How would he react?"

Meredith pictured it. "By yelling!" she yelled.

"And when he's done yelling, what then? Think, Meredith. Derek, angry, picturing his girlfriend and his ex-wife naked. Together. In bed." Callie brought her face in close to Meredith's, and Meredith's breath caught as she stared at Callie's hypnotically moving lips, wet and pink. "What's Derek thinking now, Meredith? Picture it."

And Meredith did. She pictured Derek, at first angry, imagining Meredith and Addison naked and slippery. She pictured Derek's anger getting washed away by arousal. She pictured him reaching for her, husky-voiced, and — wait one damn second. She pulled back — she'd been leaning forward, her face practically in Callie's ample cleavage. "What the hell would you get out of this? You've convinced Addison it will feed her revenge and me it will turn my boyfriend into a raving sex maniac. What's your angle?"

Callie looked smug. "You think that's the only reason Addison's interested? Think, Meredith," she echoed. "Picture you. And me. And Addison. Naked." Meredith's eyes fluttered closed. "Together." She inhaled sharply. "In bed." Mesmerized by Callie's voice, Meredith could see it in glorious technicolor. Callie and Addison, as Meredith had been seeing and imagining them all week. Wrapped around each other. Wrapped around her. Breasts and lips and fingers, hot and wet. Callie continued, her voice warm molasses in Meredith's ears. "What am I thinking now, Meredith? Picture it."

Meredith looked up, and saw Addison staring at her from across the room, lips parted and eyes hot. She stood, somewhat shakily. "Let's go."